Quick Remedy #3 Thoughts on Self-Doubt and Freedom

I’m just going to write this straight off the cuff.

Most of the time when I sit down to write I’m constantly revising my thoughts and overanalyzing whether or not I structured this or that properly to make it aesthetically and grammatically pleasing. But not today.

Today I’m just going to use this as my journal, and maybe there are a few of you that will relate.

I am closing in on 90 days until I leave for another long walk.

This fills me with both anxiety and excitement.

I long to be in the mountains with every fiber of my being.

I live in a city, and daily I feel the effects of being away from the place I feel most at home.

But I also feel the anxiety of taking on another thru hike. I mean this is the Continental Divide we are talking about here. These are the mountains of my dreams.

While I yearn for the spiritual experiences I know I’ll have on this journey, I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong. What makes me think I’m prepared for this? Why don’t I just stick to smaller hikes and quit fooling myself?

It’s normal to have thoughts of self-doubt when you set high standards. Having the thoughts isn’t an issue, it is how I react to these thoughts that matters.

The mental game must be on point for this one.

Every time I make it to a trailhead and get dropped off, I already feel successful. So many people don’t make it to that point. There’s this feeling of “Holy shit, I did it. I am doing it…. What the hell was I thinking??”

But also, I can’t stop smiling… and I’m so ready for that.

I truly believe there are those of us with a pull to be wild. To go against the grain and challenge the status quo.

I am lonelier in a city surrounded by millions of people than I am with solitude in the mountains.

I have it in my blood to run through valleys and bathe in the sunlight.

To be soothed by the music of a brook, and nap in a meadow as birds chatter about my intrusion.

To battle the wind and rain… and lose.

To be taught the lessons I cannot learn here in my comfortable box.

To feel alive again.

Nature is my bible. My sanctuary. My everything.

There is nothing like truly being free.

I want to go home.